Vito (foster)

meet our newest foster, Vito...

he is such an awesome little guy.

we got him the day that our foster child left.  no one was able to foster him and Sue from WBTR thought he would be a good dog for us, because he is so good and would have no trouble getting adopted.

he fit right in with us from the start.  he is snorty and tiny and looks a lot like our Remi.

he, of course, loves Marley!  like every other boy dog that meets her.  he spends all morning playing with her, every morning.  they play like crazy and then he zonks out in the evening.

he loves to play tug with the girls, retrieve toys, and chew bones.  it took him awhile to open up, but now that he has, he is such a sweet dog.  he was so timid in the beginning that i felt sorry for him.  he will definitely be a good dog for any family because he is so sweet.

he's definitely more of a momma's boy.  he loves to snuggle with me.

he did have a rough time in the beginning.  he has double ear and double eye infections.  and we found out he will have to have double knee surgery.  poor guy.  but that just means he will be staying with us for a few months until he is ready for his forever home.

foster to adopt

we thought we would give it one try.

we got the call about 2 weeks ago that there was a child that fit our criteria.  she had the perfect name and was a "ham" and had quite the personality.  what could be wrong with any of that?!

we had no idea what we were getting into.

things have been...difficult.

based on her history, i'm not surprised that she isn't the easiest child.  any child who has had a rough start from the beginning could be difficult.

but we thought with love and attention, things would get better.  if we gave it some time, her mood would change.  she would understand boundaries, and not to be naughty for attention.  she would stop crying uncontrollably.  she would play with us and spend quality time with us.

maybe that was too much to expect in 2 weeks, and maybe it was too much to expect from a toddler.

all i know is that it's too much for me.

i've nannied and been through the ups and downs with children before.  i've been around many kids her age and they all loved me.  i just don't know what else to do...

and now i feel guilt.  unbelievable guilt that she has to find a new home.  that she has to move again.

and i feel like a failure for not being able to make it work.  for not helping her.

to Owen

to my buddy Owen...

i'm so sorry we had to say goodbye to you today.  i hope you will forgive us for the terrible thing we have done.

you didn't deserve what happened to you.  it wasn't your fault.  you're previous family must have done something to hurt you.  it was their fault and not yours.

i don't know why you snapped at us.  someone taught you that so i know you didn't mean it.  i'm sorry that had to happen.  i'm sorry for upsetting you.

we didn't want to have you "put down."  but we had no choice...

the hard part is that i am not God.  it's not really my choice.  and i will never forget that.

we will never forget you buddy.  you were only with us for three weeks but we were your family.

you were such a good boy.  you fit in with us right away.

you liked to play with your sisters.  you liked to cuddle with me or under the blankets.  you loved to go for walks.  you loved car rides.  you ruined any toy you could get your mouth on.  you liked to chase Lily.

there were some weird things you did too.  you growled when we picked you up.  you chased the reflection off of your collar.  all.  day.  long.  you ate garbage and toys.  you got upset easily...

but i was your momma and you knew it from the start.  you liked me more than anyone and i love you for loving me.  that's why i know you didn't mean what you did to me.

i tried to make your last day as great as i could.  i tried to give you as much love and treats as i could. we took you on a walk.  we pet you until the end.

i know you trusted us and i'm sorry we broke that.  i will never forget the way that you came over to me today and gave me a kiss on the cheek, like you were asking me to forgive you.  i do buddy, i really do.

i know how scared you were.  i was scared too.  i will never forget you looking at me until the end.  i wish i could have saved you.  i will wish it everyday for the rest of my life.

i will never forgive myself for what happened to you today, but i hope you can forgive me.  i'm so sorry buddy.  i'm sorry i couldn't have given you a better life from the start.  i love you and will miss you.  i hope you can be at peace now.

Owen (foster)

Meet Owen!  (our foster)

this guy has been with us for a little over a week now.  he is fitting in really well around here!

the first day was pretty rough.  he came from a shelter in Wausau, which means that he was used to being kenneled.  it took him about a day or two to get used to being in a home again.

he had to learn to play nice with all the girls.  stella and him had a few scuffles but now they get along fine, and even sometimes play together.  him and Marley play together often.

he still was a bit humpy at first, but has since gotten over that.

Owen, Marley, and Stella excited that daddy is home!

he had been in the shelter since November!  the poor guy!!

he was surrendered to them by his previous family.  they said he was "aggressive" and they would be evicted if they didn't surrender him.  he growls, like dogs do.  he even growls at us sometimes.

he is NOT aggressive.

he growls when he is excited and wants to play.  he does it to act tough, but would never actually bite.  but then again, they bought him off of Craigslist, which shows how much they know about dogs...

he is 7, so he likes to snuggle and relax, but is also pretty energetic at times.  he is just like any other Boston.

his previous family said he didn't know commands.  he knows "sit," "outside," "drop" (which we taught him the second day he was here), and "come".

his previous family said he would have accidents in the house 50% of the time.  he has had TWO accidents in the house in the past 10 days, and it was completely my fault.  i was too distracted with taking care of Remi to remember to let him out to go potty.  and even sometimes now he will sit by the door to let me know he needs to go out!

he doesn't stray far, and we haven't had any trouble with him trying to run away when he is outside.


he isn't perfect though...

he doesn't like to be picked up.  he will growl at you when you do.

garbage is one of his favorite things.  he likes to knock it over, dig through it, and eat it.  ew.

he also ate a toy the other day.  luckily i was able to give him sometime to puke it up.

he doesn't like to give up a toy to you or another dog and will growl at you if you try.


hopefully we can find this guy his forever home.   he definitely deserves it!

setting up the nursery

Although the nursery was nowhere near done when we had our little visitor come stay for the week, we still had it to where we could use it.

Our good friends gave us their daughters crib!  It was such a blessing!  Their daughter was the last child I nannied for, so it was really special that they were able to give her crib to us.  I was so excited when Marky Mark put it together.  The room had sat pretty much empty since we moved in, so I was happy to see it finally coming together.

We put the cubbies in here, because I thought it would be good to use for organizing toys.  It did a pretty good job, but it could use some baskets for diapers and other supplies.  It was pretty convenient to just go in a grab a toy as needed.  Although, I'm not sure if a dresser might be a little more practical in the future.

My mom knit this gorgeous blanket!  This was definitely my favorite Christmas present this year!  It matched the green chevron sheets for the crib.  Our little visitor used it while she was here :)

I LOVE Scentsy! I had always loved these warmers and was so bummed when they stopped making them.  My mom, Grams and I went to a craft fair and there was a lady that was selling some of the older warmers for much cheaper than they originally cost.  Luckily, this was one of them, so we snatched it up!  I was too worried to put wax in it, so I just put it out for decoration.

I really wanted to get the Cloud B nightlight, but at $50 there was no way I was going to spend that much money on it!  I was so excited to see that Walmart sold an off brand for only $20!  This is the one that plays music and lights up.  I thought it was important to get a nightlight, because a lot of foster kids will even ask to sleep with the light on because they are scared.  Little girl LOVED this!  She would turn it on every time before nap and bedtime.  I had it set to run for 30 min and it worked awesome!

I picked a lime green paint for the nursery.  I wanted something neutral since we are open to either gender, but I thought that yellow was too girly for a boy.  Green was my favorite color when I was little (lime green still being one of my favs), so I thought it was a safe choice.  I love how it turned out, although I don't know that everyone agrees with me (ahem...my husband).  I was going to make it gray and green but since we have a lot of gray in the rest of the house, I'm thinking of adding some black in.  Originally I wanted a black and white nursery with lime green accents, but I don't know how great that will look with brown furniture (I was originally going to buy white furniture).

Anyways, that's how the nursery looks for now.  I have a lot of things I would love to add...

• curtains and rod
• dresser (?)
• baskets for cubbies
• rocking chair
• art
• shelves for decorations or pictures
• more crib sheets
• better toy organization
• fun rug (?)

And there are still a few things that need to be finished in the room...

• paint the trim
• paint the door
• closet doors installed!!
• shorten the blinds (they are too long and WAY too heavy) and cords (dangerous)
• closets hung correctly (a lot of our closets were installed incorrectly)
• dimmer

respite care

I just dropped off the baby this morning.   The baby we had in our home for the last 7 days.  On the same day that we are getting our foster license.  Things are moving so quickly around here, I feel like my head is spinning.  To say we are feeling a little overwhelmed right now would be an understatement.  I don't know how things got so crazy around here.

We went into foster-to-adopt wanting to adopt and start our family.  We talked to a friend of a friend that had gone through with it.  With the new house in the works, we knew it was something we wanted to do eventually, but really when the house was done.  The friend said we should get started right away because it would take a full year to get through the program.  Well here we are 4 months later and we are done.  Not quite what we were expecting.  All I know is we are not ready for this...yet.

We did respite care for the last 7 days.  That is when a foster family can't watch their foster child for whatever reason, for example, travel; and so they find another foster family who is able to watch the child for that short amount of time.  Basically 24-7 babysitting.  I think we got in a little over our heads.

Don't get me wrong, the baby that came to stay with us was amazing!  She was so smart and beautiful.  You would never guess she was in foster care, she adapted so well.  She came into our home, terrified of our dogs, and left with them as her best friends.  I think she will probably be looking for her "goggies" for awhile.  She learned to throw the ball for them, let them give her kisses, growl and bark like them.  Basically, it was the sweetest and most adorable thing I had ever seen.  If only I could show the pictures of this wonderful relationship.  But I can't because she is in foster care.

I think the experience was exactly what we needed, even though it was hard.  We needed a test run of some sort and this was the best way to start.  What we learned is that we want to start our own family...sometime.  But as first time parents, I'm not sure if this is for us.  A lot of "when we have kids..." came up.  But isn't this how we are supposed to "have" kids?  I'm not so sure anymore.

Our "baby" that came and went so quickly.  I have to say the most difficult part of the week was dropping her off today.  I thought for sure I'd be excited to have my house back to normal, which I do...kind of.  I dropped her off at daycare and they took her away so quickly, I didn't really even get to say goodbye.  She cried when she left me.  And I cried when I left her.  It's a strange feeling knowing I will never see her again.

So it's hard for me because I have a part of me that wants to help these kids, but I don't think I have it in me.  And I'm not mad at myself for it.  This just wasn't my thing.  Not that I don't love kids, and don't want some of my own eventually, because I so desperately do.  I did the nanny thing, and I did the babysitting thing.  I don't want to do that anymore.  And if we are being honest, that's exactly what that felt like, and really what it was, if you think about it.  

My passion for fostering is with dogs.  I don't know if that makes me a horrible person, that I would rather save dogs than kids.  But I can't help it.  It's just how I feel.  I know how to care for dogs, I mean after all, I do have 3 of them (and another that will always be in heart, my Luna).  I know how to train them and work with them.  It's what I love to do.

I will miss our "baby" and will miss our time together.  I keep hoping that she will remember us, which she probably won't because she is so young.  All I can hope for her is that she loves her life, and I hope we were a part in that.  I hope that she gets the life she deserves, and she deserves the world.

We will see how the next few months go.  We have a few months to decide what we want to do.  I just know this is how I feel right now, but it wasn't too long ago that I felt different.  Only time will tell.

Remi (AKA Missy)

About a month ago, Mark and I decided that it might be time to look into getting a new dog.  We wanted a get a dog that reminded us of Luna, not to replace her, but to help fill a void that we were feeling.  Marley and Stella are full of energy, so we needed a dog that was the complete opposite!  Haha.  We had seen that WBTR had been getting some dogs in for fostering so I emailed Sue to let her know that we would be interested if an "old soul" came in.  She emailed back and said that Missy was the most mellow dog, and loved to just snuggle.  We were interested, but she was about 2 hours away, and we weren't in a huge hurry or anything.  About a week later, Sue contacted me to let me know that Missy was staying with her for the time being.  Since Sue lives only about 20 min away we made plans to meet her immediately!  We came in and sat down, and she came right to us and sat on our laps.  She wasn't our typical look of a Boston that we like but we loved her "old soul" personality.  We didn't take her immediately but after a few days, we thought we would foster her and see how it went.

 We decided to change her name to Remi because that was the name we had chosen for our next dog.  She didn't learn the name as quickly as some of our other fosters but she picked it up pretty quickly.  After only a few days of having her, she ended up getting a really bad UTI and had to be taken to the emergency vet.  We spent THREE HOURS(!) there that day, and it gave us a chance to really bond with her.  She recovered really quickly, once she was on antibiotics, but had a hard time with potty training because of it.  Other than that, she has been adjusting really well.

At first when we got her, it was really hard to tell if she liked us because she always has a very serious face and since she has no tail, there's really no way for us to tell if she is happy. But she has come out of her shell quite a bit.  She loves to run around the house and play with her sisters.

I took her up north with me to visit my sister and she had a great time.  She was the perfect "therapy" dog, just sat and snuggled with my sister.  She has been amazing and really helped us to not be so sad anymore.  I was crying almost everyday over Luna and she has made it much easier to cope.  She has a lot of Luna's personality and does little things that remind us of her.  

Next week is surgery week!  Remi has to have both knees and her tail operated on.  It is gonna be a tough recovery but I'm sure she will do great.  I can't wait til the day we get to see her run around like a normal dog.  And after her recovery, we can finally adopt her!  I can't wait for that :)

Foster to adopt

Mark and I are in the process of foster to adopt.  We have been trying to get pregnant for over a year and we decided that we didn't want to wait any longer to start our family.  For us, we feel like we don't want to wait until we are a lot older to start a family.  Plus I didn't want to have to go through a bunch of procedures to make it happen.  For me, as a nanny I knew it was possible to love a child, even if it wasn't biologically my own.  Some of the kids, I always said if anything had happened to their parents, I would take them in.  I loved them completely.  So even though we would have loved to have a child of our own, we are going to start things out a different way, and hopefully eventually God will bless us with a child of our own too.

We chose foster to adopt because an international adoption can take about a year to complete and costs a lot of money.  With foster to adopt, we will foster the child for awhile before we will be able to adopt them.  While we are fostering, the state will pay for everything, including their medical costs and even give us a monthly allowance to help with the child's expenses.  Luckily a friend of a friend had chosen to adopt her son this way, so we were able to talk to her before making a decision and find out how it worked for her.  Ours is quite different from her adoption because we are going through Milwaukee county for foster to adopt.  This was good because it helped us go through the process much quicker.

We have made it through the initial background checks.  Now we are working with our licensing agent to get through all the paperwork.  So far things are coming along really well, and the process seems to be flying by.  Luckily for us, this process takes a shorter amount of time, only 6 months,  rather then 9 months for a pregnancy.

Today I went for my TB skin test, and Mark had his physical this week as well.  We are just needing to get our bills together to show that we aren't doing fostering to make money.  Next week we get to do fingerprinting.  It's kind of crazy to go through all of this because if it was a child we had on our own, we wouldn't have to go through all of these things.  But in the end, I know it will be completely worth it.  Plus, I don't have to actually give birth.  ;)

I'm nervous because next time we meet with our licensing agent we start interviews.  She said we are going to start with the couples interview, and that seems like it should be pretty easy.  Just have to talk about how we met, how we handle disagreements, stuff like that.  Mark and I are pretty solid so I think this should go pretty well.

I'm still working through figuring out what I can get together before the child comes.  We decided on a child 0-4 years old, and either gender.  So the agency expects us to have a convertible seat, which I've already found one.  Also, we have to have a twin bed and a pack 'n play, or a convertible crib.  I think starting out we are gonna use our full size bed and hopefully borrow a pack 'n play from someone until we actually meet the child.  It's just hard because I would love to get toys and clothes and other things together, but there's such a difference between those ages to really know what to get. 

Anyways, we still have a lot to do with getting licensed.  We have some classes coming up next month, which I think will be helpful in answering some of the questions we have and helping us to get prepared for this journey.  We are set to get licensed 1/3/2014!  With the house getting done sometime before Christmas and the holidays coming up, it will be here before we know it.  We can't wait!

life lately...

Things have been great lately! 

First off, I quit my job at Walmart.  And actually my last day was on my three year anniversary.  There were many reasons why I quit that job.  Mostly because I didn't enjoy it anymore and we had too much stuff going on at home, it just made more sense for me to stay home.  But the thing is that unfortunately some people who don't know me too well are judging the fact that I'm staying home, but it's no one's right to judge.  They don't live my life, so they shouldn't worry about it. 

Second, we are so busy with house planning now!  Perfect time to not have to go to work because I have been REALLY busy making decisions for the house.  The house is coming along pretty quickly now and I am so excited about it.  At least right now I can kind of see an end in sight.  The whole structure of the house is up, and all the walls on the inside are up.  The rough plumbing and HVAC are done.  The rest of this week will be dedicated to electrical, which I have a meeting with my electrician on Thursday. ;)  Even though he is my husband and even though he will live in the house too, we still had to set up a meeting to make sure that he understands everything I was thinking of for the house too.

Third, we are currently fostering a new dog!  We ended up doing this sooner than I thought we would want to, but she has been a real joy.  Her name she came with was Missy but we changed it to Remi because we are considering making her a part of our family permanently. She has some difficulties which we have been trying to work on and work with, but hopefully she will be like brand new soon!

Lastly, we are working on our foster/adoption right now.  We have to get licensed as foster parents, and the date for the license to go through is January 3rd!  That is not very far away so we are planning like crazy!  We have a lot of paperwork to get through, and some stuff we need to get together for our new child.  We are so excited about it!  It's kind of a different process and a lot of things we are unsure of, but we know that we will be bettering the child's life and our lives by taking this journey and we are very much looking forward to meeting our future child hopefully soon :)