"Spelling It Like It Is" by Tori Spelling

I read this book in THREE days!  It was crazy that I was able to get through it so quickly because I haven't been much of a bookworm in awhile.  I have loved all of Tori Spelling's book so I was really excited when it was finally my turn to get it from the library.  "Spelling It Like It Is" was such a good read!  Tori Spelling has always been one of my favorite people (I mean, I do own all of Beverly Hills 90210 on DVD after all), but unfortunately this book made me like her a little bit less.  I think the book is hilarious, in typical Tori fashion, but she can really be careless with her and her children's lives.   In this book, she goes over everything that has happened since "Tori and Dean" stopped airing.  That means this includes MANY moves, some business ventures, and the birth of her youngest, Finn.  She is such a good story teller, which makes this a must read!

setting up the nursery

Although the nursery was nowhere near done when we had our little visitor come stay for the week, we still had it to where we could use it.

Our good friends gave us their daughters crib!  It was such a blessing!  Their daughter was the last child I nannied for, so it was really special that they were able to give her crib to us.  I was so excited when Marky Mark put it together.  The room had sat pretty much empty since we moved in, so I was happy to see it finally coming together.

We put the cubbies in here, because I thought it would be good to use for organizing toys.  It did a pretty good job, but it could use some baskets for diapers and other supplies.  It was pretty convenient to just go in a grab a toy as needed.  Although, I'm not sure if a dresser might be a little more practical in the future.

My mom knit this gorgeous blanket!  This was definitely my favorite Christmas present this year!  It matched the green chevron sheets for the crib.  Our little visitor used it while she was here :)

I LOVE Scentsy! I had always loved these warmers and was so bummed when they stopped making them.  My mom, Grams and I went to a craft fair and there was a lady that was selling some of the older warmers for much cheaper than they originally cost.  Luckily, this was one of them, so we snatched it up!  I was too worried to put wax in it, so I just put it out for decoration.

I really wanted to get the Cloud B nightlight, but at $50 there was no way I was going to spend that much money on it!  I was so excited to see that Walmart sold an off brand for only $20!  This is the one that plays music and lights up.  I thought it was important to get a nightlight, because a lot of foster kids will even ask to sleep with the light on because they are scared.  Little girl LOVED this!  She would turn it on every time before nap and bedtime.  I had it set to run for 30 min and it worked awesome!

I picked a lime green paint for the nursery.  I wanted something neutral since we are open to either gender, but I thought that yellow was too girly for a boy.  Green was my favorite color when I was little (lime green still being one of my favs), so I thought it was a safe choice.  I love how it turned out, although I don't know that everyone agrees with me (ahem...my husband).  I was going to make it gray and green but since we have a lot of gray in the rest of the house, I'm thinking of adding some black in.  Originally I wanted a black and white nursery with lime green accents, but I don't know how great that will look with brown furniture (I was originally going to buy white furniture).

Anyways, that's how the nursery looks for now.  I have a lot of things I would love to add...

• curtains and rod
• dresser (?)
• baskets for cubbies
• rocking chair
• art
• shelves for decorations or pictures
• more crib sheets
• better toy organization
• fun rug (?)

And there are still a few things that need to be finished in the room...

• paint the trim
• paint the door
• closet doors installed!!
• shorten the blinds (they are too long and WAY too heavy) and cords (dangerous)
• closets hung correctly (a lot of our closets were installed incorrectly)
• dimmer

respite care

I just dropped off the baby this morning.   The baby we had in our home for the last 7 days.  On the same day that we are getting our foster license.  Things are moving so quickly around here, I feel like my head is spinning.  To say we are feeling a little overwhelmed right now would be an understatement.  I don't know how things got so crazy around here.

We went into foster-to-adopt wanting to adopt and start our family.  We talked to a friend of a friend that had gone through with it.  With the new house in the works, we knew it was something we wanted to do eventually, but really when the house was done.  The friend said we should get started right away because it would take a full year to get through the program.  Well here we are 4 months later and we are done.  Not quite what we were expecting.  All I know is we are not ready for this...yet.

We did respite care for the last 7 days.  That is when a foster family can't watch their foster child for whatever reason, for example, travel; and so they find another foster family who is able to watch the child for that short amount of time.  Basically 24-7 babysitting.  I think we got in a little over our heads.

Don't get me wrong, the baby that came to stay with us was amazing!  She was so smart and beautiful.  You would never guess she was in foster care, she adapted so well.  She came into our home, terrified of our dogs, and left with them as her best friends.  I think she will probably be looking for her "goggies" for awhile.  She learned to throw the ball for them, let them give her kisses, growl and bark like them.  Basically, it was the sweetest and most adorable thing I had ever seen.  If only I could show the pictures of this wonderful relationship.  But I can't because she is in foster care.

I think the experience was exactly what we needed, even though it was hard.  We needed a test run of some sort and this was the best way to start.  What we learned is that we want to start our own family...sometime.  But as first time parents, I'm not sure if this is for us.  A lot of "when we have kids..." came up.  But isn't this how we are supposed to "have" kids?  I'm not so sure anymore.

Our "baby" that came and went so quickly.  I have to say the most difficult part of the week was dropping her off today.  I thought for sure I'd be excited to have my house back to normal, which I do...kind of.  I dropped her off at daycare and they took her away so quickly, I didn't really even get to say goodbye.  She cried when she left me.  And I cried when I left her.  It's a strange feeling knowing I will never see her again.

So it's hard for me because I have a part of me that wants to help these kids, but I don't think I have it in me.  And I'm not mad at myself for it.  This just wasn't my thing.  Not that I don't love kids, and don't want some of my own eventually, because I so desperately do.  I did the nanny thing, and I did the babysitting thing.  I don't want to do that anymore.  And if we are being honest, that's exactly what that felt like, and really what it was, if you think about it.  

My passion for fostering is with dogs.  I don't know if that makes me a horrible person, that I would rather save dogs than kids.  But I can't help it.  It's just how I feel.  I know how to care for dogs, I mean after all, I do have 3 of them (and another that will always be in heart, my Luna).  I know how to train them and work with them.  It's what I love to do.

I will miss our "baby" and will miss our time together.  I keep hoping that she will remember us, which she probably won't because she is so young.  All I can hope for her is that she loves her life, and I hope we were a part in that.  I hope that she gets the life she deserves, and she deserves the world.

We will see how the next few months go.  We have a few months to decide what we want to do.  I just know this is how I feel right now, but it wasn't too long ago that I felt different.  Only time will tell.